On and Off Relationship

We met, we fell in love but our relationship suffered a setback due to my association with the senses. Then I broke up and then we made up and I broke up with the Self again.   That’s all I do, and I feel guilty but it continues even today.

We are falling in and out of love as I am unable to renounce the joy that the senses provide. Though I do not want to commit adultery and quite blissful in the relationship I share with Self yet the sense longings follows me like my shadow.

These longings failed me every time besides catching up with it tired the body and drove me to the point of exhaustion. However, I restrain and practice self-control, the turbulent senses carry me forcibly into the world of desires. Here I am, struggling to find my way out and longing to be back in the safe arms of the Self and promising never to commit infelicity again.

Then I asked myself: why do I put up with this pain and strain when I have attained peace within? What, exactly, am I lacking that stops me from ending this toxic relationship with the five senses?

I told myself that I have to choose between pain and joy and that’s when I realised what I lacked. I lacked faith and loyalty as I let myself brood over the worldly imperfections. Also, I never restrain myself enough as I took advantage of the temporary fallout and played victim each time. But, alas, after aeons of infidelity, neither the senses experienced fulfilment nor I could establish an honest relationship with my Self. So I am back to square one again..

Guess this would be the confession of the Mind which failed to permanently establish in the Self.

Yatato hyapi kaunteya puruṣhasya vipaśhchitaḥ
Indriyāṇi pramāthīni haranti prasabhaṁ manaḥ//
Bhagavad Gita:2,60

The senses are so strong and turbulent, O son of Kunti, that they can forcibly carry away the mind even of a person endowed with discrimination and practising self-control.

Yadā sanharate chāyaṁ kūrmo ’ṅgānīva sarvaśhaḥ
Indriyāṇīndriyārthebhyas tasya prajñā pratiṣhṭhitā//
Bhagavad Gita:2,58

One who is able to withdraw the senses from their objects, just as a tortoise withdraws its limbs into its shell, is established in divine wisdom.

Image: the web

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